All Mixed Up

I've always appreciated the value of surrounding yourself with people from different backgrounds to your own.  I like to believe that we embrace friends who present different experiences and perspectives.  So collectively, we learn from each other and grow both in tolerance and understanding.  We broaden our horizons.  Our worlds merge.  We gain the ability to converse with any kind of person in any given situation.  This was my theory.  But recent experience had perhaps shown me otherwise.

A conversation with a male black friend about relationships lead to his declaration that he 'wants to date white girls but marry a black girl.'  Honestly, I was appalled on several levels.  Firstly, to be told that white girls were not good enough to marry.  Secondly, to his aversion to mixed raced marriages.  If you are an avid reader of my blog, you'll probably have read In the Mix, where I declare my love of my Irish and Indian roots.  Of course I am aware that not everyone is in favour of mixed race marriages but what shocked me was the fact that these opinions were not those of an obscure political party but within my own friendship group.  I couldn't believe it.

I couldn't believe that a member of my own generation at university, mixing in a multicultural educated environment held this perspective.  I appreciated that he told me the truth.  But I would be lying if I said this didn't change how I felt about him.  I took offence.  I was disgusted that he couldn't see the soul beyond the skin.  I was disappointed that he feared the unfamiliar so much that he has vowed to just 'stick to his own.'  But perhaps what burnt the most was that he considered it better that his babies were purely black rather than of a mixed origin.  As if mixed raced babies are somehow of less value.  It felt like apartheid was occurring all over again.

But there's a few reasons that comforted me.  Firstly, love transcends everything.  In the end even if she has one leg or is half chinese it doesn't matter if there is enough love.  And this might sound like a fairytale to you but I've seen it for myself.  Love breaks all barriers and gives you the strength and the courage to face the unfamiliar.  Love is what saw my Irish mum buying Indian cookery books, wearing a sari and visiting a mosque.  Love is what saw my Indian dad renewing his wedding vows to my mum in a Catholic church because he knew how important her religion is to her.  Love is what I grew up in.  So petty preferences about the colour of your skin seem weak and insignificant in comparison to the richness of love.  

Secondly, it might surprise you that I'm not severing all ties with this friend and have decided to keep him around.  My wish is that he falls in love with the unexpected and can find the audacity to follow his heart.  Or at the very least I can eventually change his mindset.  But refusing to be his friend would just mean I am as intolerant as he is.  I refuse to fall to that level.

Finally, I know we're winning.  By 'we' I refer to the mixed race minority.  The fact is we are the fastest growing ethnic minority which really does speak for itself.  So change or get left behind.  Either way, this is the way the world is developing.  Deal with it.