Stained Glass Windows

I used to think getting hurt was avoidable.  But the truth is we're all broken.  In some form or other. Because nobody is exempt from feeling.  But with some people, you would never know the damage behind their smile.  The pain they've endured and the challenges they've faced could produce a bestselling novel.  And simply by being here, they are survivors in their own lives.

It never occurred to me when looking for a role model to just simply open my front door.  It's the ordinary people that overcome those extraordinarily harsh situations that is so inspiring.  And they do it with a cheery persona and a strength that I can only admire.  I have no idea how they find their fuel to drive them through each day.  

I'm in awe of them.

There is a saying: 'people are like stained glass windows- they sparkle and shine when the sun is out but when darkness sets in, their true beauty is only seen if there is a light from within.'  Perhaps the true beauty comes from the broken bits.  And it's not about avoiding the pain but possessing the strength to smile through it.

Resolution Number Two

Sometimes you just have to let people go.  When too much has happened and the relationship has been poisoned.  Sucking out the poison would take every last breath you've got.  And you're just not willing to give that much anymore.  With letting go comes a sadness.  You feel like you've failed.  But deep down, deep enough to be able to deny that the thought might even be there, you know you've done the right thing.

Because you have to put yourself first.  And not feel guilty about it.  It's self preservation as oppose to self sacrifice.  And from the outside it looks like the spoilt choice, the easy way, the escape route.  But it's actually harder to face the end.

And for a while you're angry, frustrated, irritated.  Upset, devastated, tearful.  But somewhere amongst the tears and the venom you find forgiveness.  And it really is magical.  It takes all of the bitterness away.  It cleanses your soul ready for the next person to come along.  And you're brand new again.  But an updated version.  Stronger and smarter.  But you haven't forgotten what happened.  Because forgetting the hurt would be forgetting the lessons you learnt.

And maybe in time you'll be able to remember the parts that weren't poisonous, the sweet bits.  But for now, moving on is enough.  Moving on with a revised edition of yourself that will no doubt change again when you hit the next big wave.  But now you know for sure you can survive it.

Resolution number two: don't bask in the bitterness.  Forgive, but don't forget.

Resolution Number One

Sometimes I wonder how much difference there is between how others perceive you and how you view yourself.  I'm sure all of us have been in a situation where we feel we've been misunderstood or not left the lasting impression we would like.  I'm unfortunately always in danger of giving out that accidental death stare.  I was told it would make any stranger run in the opposite direction but I didn't quite believe it until I saw it for myself on a home video.  And then I didn't want to be friends with me either.  It was the kind of glance you would wish on Stalin not an innocent stranger.

Yes, my frightening facial expressions are my cross to bear.  But I'm sure you've got one too.  Whether it's exuding that accidental air of arrogance, nervously telling appalling jokes or not saying anything at all it's never plain sailing when we first meet new people.  I once met a guy who used to touch his face every time he spoke to me.  Not only was it immensely distracting but I struggled to maintain a conversation without wanting to touch my own face too.  Weird.  He's now a friend and the face-touching is a thing of the past.  Just as he now laughs when I stare.  We worked through it.  

And I believe I've found resolution number one of 2012: reserve your judgement.  Not forever, just until a later date.  Because we've all got our quirks.  Our funny twitches that make us unique.  And at first glance, it might not look particularly appealing.  But stick around and let them prove you wrong.  Because friendships are sometimes found in the strangest places.  People may just surprise you.