Tolerance is a virtue

There is at least one moment in your life when you can remember feeling ridiculously out of place.  The black sheep amongst a field of white lambs.  The one dressed in red at a black and white ball.  It's a moment that you know, as much as you may want to, you're just not going to be able to blend in.  For me, this moment occurred yesterday, whilst enjoying some retail therapy.

I managed to find myself inside Blue Banana.  For those of you who haven't heard of it, it's what I would call an 'alternative' clothes shop.  From just walking in, your voice immediately starts to compete with what I can only describe as the thrashing together of a thousand tin cans, but otherwise referred to as 'music'.  Everything is black. Or psychedelic colours for the purpose of attracting attention. And if the colours don't draw you in, there's always the half-witted slogans such as 'life sucks' scrawled across the t-shirts.  Most of the trousers are ripped or weighed down by metal chains, another attractive feature.  It is truly one of the most miserable sights I've ever seen.

Of course, I never enter these shops by choice.  And yesterday was no exception; my friend needed some black skinny jeans and Topshop just weren't cutting it.  So reluctantly, we headed into what can only be described as the underworld.  I'm unfortunate to have a face that reflects every one of my thoughts despite my best efforts, and today was no exception.  I was stood rather awkwardly whilst my friend rooted through the racks when someone said 'Long Black Tunnel?'.  I turned to face the shop assistant, who had enough metal in his face to set off airport security, and realised he was talking to me.  'Sorry?' I was bemused.  A tunnel? What tunnel?  'Long Black Tunnel?' he repeated.  I looked at my friend, clearly as puzzled as I was, and then looked back at him blankly.  He stood there with a smirk on his face like an arrogant fifteen year old, and it suddenly occurred to me that he was enjoying this when he replied  'Long Black Tunnel is the name of this song. Gawwwwwd! Thought you would have known that!'  It took about a minute after he walked off for me to realise that he was making fun of me.

Perhaps I was an easy target holding a Topshop bag and wearing Uggs and an awkward expression on my face.  But soon after, my confusion turned to anger.  How dare he make fun of me! Yes, I clearly don't have multiple body piercings and dyed black hair, but you don't even know me.  I could be a huge Slipknot fan but just prefer to wear beige.  Who is he to judge me? And anyway, it's not exactly good customer service now, is it?

Even a day later, I'm still irritated by that obnoxious assistant.  I realise we may have 'cultural' differences but it doesn't make him any better than me.  Or me any better than him.  We're just different, and though our paths in life will probably rarely cross, it would be nice if we could have a little tolerance when they do.  But for now, I won't be returning to Blue Banana any time soon. 

Don't deny the drama.

The older I get the more I realise that with regards to relationships, we never become any wiser.  Perhaps at age 20, I'm a little bit young to be making this condemnation.  But I really am convinced, as John Legend so greatly put it, 'everybody knows, but nobody really knows.'  In short, no one has a clue.  As much as we think we can spot the woods through the sleaze, no one is ever completely predictable.  Consequently, life just seems to become a series of patterns, moving from one confusing situation to the next, asking the same questions and mostly becoming even more bemused than before.  Does he really like me, or is he just playing games? What did he mean when he said that? Why hasn't he called? I'm sure, like me, you've heard these questions a million times before.

But it wasn't until a recent encounter at the library, I realised something quite significant.  So by encounter, I actually meant listening to the rather loud conversation on the next desk away from me.  This was after six hours with Chaucer, so please don't blame me for searching for a little light-hearted conversation.  Anyway, I proceeded to listen to a rather flustered girl pouring her heart out to a sympathetic friend.  'He says one thing, does another, I don't know where I stand.  I didn't even go out on New Years Eve.'  That part confused me.  As if somehow staying in for new year would magically make him explain himself.  Well I must admit, having been in similar situations I partially understood where she was coming from.  Sometimes, it seems I would have more luck understanding my dog than a member of the male species.  But as she continued to tell her friend that she hadn't been out in ten days and the situation was driving her crazy, it began to occur to me that we may just enjoy the supposed 'havok' that boy/girl dynamics seem to create.  Yes, I say 'we' as I am including myself in these excitable frenzied situations.  The not-knowing. The drama. The chase (even if it just results in a wild goose chase).  We love it (secretly).  Without it, it would almost be like opening a novel on the last page.  Somehow you just don't get the same satisfaction as you would reading every word, and assessing every minute detail. 

For any males that are reading this, I am not suggesting that you make a concerted effort to further confuse us, because believe me, we have more than enough to talk about already.  I am just saying that perhaps we should accept the facts.  No, I have no idea what he means. Yes, it is completely confusing.  And finally, rather than getting wound up like a spring, bask in the unknown.  Realise that you might just love it (a little bit).  And, as for the males, they will probably meet you on the last page, or not.  But whatever happens, at least you will have saved yourself the brainache.